Happiness Challenge: Breaking Free from Overthinking (The Comeback Edition!)

After a brief hiatus (because, let's face it, overthinking about writing about overthinking seemed a bit too meta), I'm back with another Happiness Challenge!

Have you ever caught yourself going over and over a problem in your mind, feeling your stress and anxiety rise with each mental replay? Perhaps thinking that if you just analyze the situation one more time, you'll magically find the solution—even though deep down, you know you won't?

Welcome to the Overthinking Club—where many of us midlife women seem to have lifetime memberships.

As my daughter's senior year speeds by, I've found myself increasingly stressed and anxious. It's a time filled with big decisions about life after high school (both for her and me), college applications, exam pressures—but also tremendous joy as I watch my child step into adulthood. While some stress is natural for parents of high school seniors, I've noticed myself getting stuck in endless loops of unanswerable questions. I'm catastrophizing future scenarios and dwelling on countless "what ifs" with no resolution.

As part of my Year of Happiness Project, I've been exploring science-backed strategies to help navigate the sometimes choppy waters of midlife. When I read chapter three of Sonja Lyubomirsky's book The How of Happiness, it hit home. What we often consider helpful introspection may actually be keeping us stuck and unhappy.

Here's the good news: overthinking is a habit we can learn to tame. In this post, I'll share the science behind overthinking and strategies Lyubomirsky offers to break its grip.

If you've ever found yourself mentally rehashing conversations, worrying endlessly about problems, or comparing your life to Instagram reels and wondering why yours doesn't measure up—this post is for you.

What Is Overthinking and Why Does It Kill Our Happiness?

Psychologists define overthinking as "self-focused rumination." It's easy to fall into this trap, believing that when you're facing a problem, looking inward will lead to insights and solutions. But researchers Lyubomirsky and Susan Nolen-Hoeksema have found that this isn't true.

In fact, overthinking produces the opposite result. Their research shows that rumination:

• Makes us feel sadder

• Increases negative biased thinking

• Impairs our ability to solve problems

• Hampers motivation

• Interferes with concentration and initiative

• Depletes our mental resources

Instead of gaining insight, overthinking keeps us stuck in negative thought loops that make us unhappy.

Breaking Free

Lyubomirsky notes that for chronic overthinkers, learning to redirect negative thoughts is essential to becoming happier. Those who maintain happiness have developed the ability to reinterpret negative thoughts and immerse themselves in activities that disrupt rumination cycles.

Strategies to Cut Loose

1. Find an absorbing activity. Choose something that makes you feel happy, curious, peaceful, proud, or amused. Dive into a book you love, lose yourself in a Netflix show, meet up with a friend, or exercise—anything you genuinely enjoy that keeps your mind engaged.

2. Say "STOP!"—literally. When intrusive thoughts appear, firmly tell yourself to stop, then immediately do something productive from your to-do list.

3. Schedule worry time. Designate 30 minutes daily for rumination. When overthinking starts outside this window, tell yourself, "I'll think about this during my scheduled worry time."

4. Talk to someone you trust. This is my favorite strategy, though it requires balance—you don't want friends feeling like unpaid therapists!

5. Journal it out. Writing down your thoughts releases feelings and helps you recognize patterns you might otherwise miss.

Be Proactive, Not Reactive

This approach is powerful when your overthinking stems from a real, solvable problem. Instead of getting stuck in worry, making a plan puts you back in the driver's seat. Being proactive—whether scheduling a medical appointment, seeking counseling, or arranging a conversation with your boss—restores your sense of control.

Dodge Your Overthinking Patterns

Identify your triggers: specific times, places, and people that activate your overthinking. Like breaking any habit, avoiding triggers is key. When possible, replace them with positive alternatives that build self-esteem.

The Perspective Shift: Will This Matter in a Year?

Place your current problem in a larger context and ask yourself: "Will this matter a year from now?" I've noticed most things I worry about won't even be memorable in twelve months. For issues that remain significant, consider what life lessons they might offer—perhaps courage, loyalty, forgiveness, or resilience?

Some find comfort in contemplating the vastness of our universe. When you consider how your problem exists on a tiny planet traveling through infinite space, it can help shift perspective dramatically.

My Midlife Overthinking Journey

I've noticed I'm more prone to rumination at this stage of life, with an interesting shift in focus. While my younger self worried more about past events ("Did I say the wrong thing?" "Will my boss hate that report?"), in midlife I find myself anxious about the future—particularly whether my child will be okay on her own and what life will look like as an empty-nester in my 50s.

During high-stress periods, I struggle with a sense of loss of control and start worrying about things both big and small. The thoughts circle like a broken record in my tired brain.

To combat this, I'm implementing Lyubomirsky's suggestions: thinking constructively, leaning on friends and family who help me laugh and strategize, and maintaining perspective. A big part for me has been allowing myself to feel excited about these changes and giving myself permission to set worries aside.

When a "real problem" arises, I rope in my husband who, whereas I'm very ruled by emotions, approaches challenges with logic and list-making. When we combine our different skills, we can usually solve most issues thrown our way. And when that feels overwhelming or falls short, I call my best friend, knowing she'll share a similar situation or funny story that gets us both laughing.

While my husband creates practical lists, I focus on thinking about enjoyable possibilities—researching the best ice cream place in my daughter's new college town, planning road trips between our state and her new city, and exploring new hobbies I (or we) can try this fall.

When all else fails, I step outside in the evenings once the world has gone dark and quiet. I take three deep breaths, look up at the night sky, and remind myself: in a month, exams will be done and things will be calmer; in four months, the college move-in will be complete; and in one year, I won't even remember worrying about her getting to exams on time.

Not surprisingly, a significant part of managing overthinking involves social connections—which brings me to my next read, Chapter 5 of The How of Happiness, entitled "Investing in Social Connections."

Look for my next happiness blog in June! Until then, I'd love to hear: how do you manage your own overthinking?